“You shouldn’t care what guys think.” It is the proportion of caring that matters. I hate being told falsehoods to comfort. It’s dismissive of my feelings and reality and can actually reinforce the perception or opinion since it makes me feel that since they dismiss my opinion they can’t actually answer my opinion, that what I feel is fact, true. Oh, and that is not just for the subject of beauty.
“Beauty is unimportant.” It certainly isn’t the most important thing, but to say it is unimportant, to imply that it doesn’t matter is deliberate falsehood. It does matter, in a perfect world, we would all be good and beautiful. All senses are important, to dismiss it thus dishonestly is to try to aim for some sort of haphazard, inconsistent ascetism.
“Beauty is subjective.” Yes and no. There are different tastes yes, but there is also some consensus on it as well. I think certain societies (ours, Panem in reality, thanks to Hollywood, and, I’m afraid porn and plastic surgery and botox all the innumerable things you can do to alter your face and figure) cement certain narrow and unrealistic standards and expectations more than others. But they can’t make everyone love the same things always, I’m realizing it is more subjective than I had formerly believed (feared?).
I mentioned earlier about discounting what older relatives and friends said in positive praise of beauty. I would generally measure my place in an scale of beauty by two means. The first would be the obvious one of attention from the opposite sex. Particularly of the sort where a guy would go out of his way to give it.
I feel that I’ve only received such attention that someone below average would receive. I do have a hostile air and expression, but I would think combined with real prettiness not even beauty men would not be put off by this manner and expression, and perhaps really prettiness (or perhaps only real beauty could achieve this) couldn’t truly look as hostile as I can? But then, perhaps the Barbie style is more expected here.
My second standard is my own, if I see it, if I match what I think is beautiful. I think a lot of people might also mention society and societal standards generally. I think I use this as a source of measurement, but I don’t think it is the whole of this. I think I see many things and need to be satisfied within myself whether this or that meets my standard. I think when I have a high standard it is hard to fail to notice when I don’t even meet an average standard. And I don’t think this is insecurity, certainly I have that, but I’m talking about assessing.
I think I’ve lived with this assessment and comprehension of what guys think for long enough that it doesn’t hurt as much as it did (combined with learning maybe beauty isn’t as objective as I’d thought), I’ve not achieved confidence exactly, more resignation, but yet, I’m less insecure. I’ve always HATED the thought of undergoing surgery and such like to achieve a false beauty. And learning all the little things many women do change, I find it enraging, it DOES hurt those of us who don’t, it does raise the standard of beauty falsely.
I want to be both myself and beautiful, and if that is not to be, then I want to be myself.
This is going to be rather rambling.
I for one, appreciate that have bigger bums and thighs are more in, no, my bum and thighs are not the Kardashian fake perfect. But back when I was growing up, I had more of a “mom” figure and needed “mom” jeans (a style that is coming back, but which was derided then, which wasn’t a style, it was out of style). The 00’s had those absurdly low cut jeans that didn’t taper to the waist at all and wouldn’t even fully cover my bum. So I definitely feel more normal now even though I’m now more overweight. I think part of this is people are repudiating somewhat the stick thin standards, something I also never was. HOWEVER,
For all the body positivity schtick going on, I still don’t really see average healthy looking women represented. Hugely overweight apple shapes are the unhealthiest. I am an overweight pear, I’m not healthy. I don’t appreciate even worse being promoted. I think being around larger people actually makes me too unconcerned.
I think also there are different global standards of beauty and different regional standards of beauty. We are in a more overweight area of the country and my mom has always been fit despite having 6 children. When we went to the Grand Canyon, she said she felt large next to all the non-American tourists. She wasn’t, she was just used to feeling small.
The fake blonde look lasted longer around here it felt like. I think the trend is dead for now, I think brunette is in. I’ve never wanted to bleach my hair nor to feel like I was frumpy when I didn’t. And when blonde is in, its not in in a way that everyone is doing it, but its done more uniquely and not just everyone doing it.
I do feel like the country pixie girl look is rather pervasive. For all our family has been here forever, we don’t have that look (some of my sisters have more of the pixie look, but it’s not this basic Southern look). I feel like there are just some Southern girls that you KNOW you’d never see in other states. Now, I don’t want to look so obviously, well, regional, but it ties in with just having that more dainty look that seems to be preferred, at least around here.
In the same vein, since I’ve always loved historical fashion, and since I followed a lot of people who were into vintage and vintage inspired fashion when I was trying to be more stylish, I’ve never been fashionable here, sometimes it’s been frumpy, sometimes just nerdy. Now, I do struggle with having actual style as well as trendiness, but now I think that there are more people who aren’t following mainstream trends, who are stylish in different ways (like Cottagecore and Light Academia kind of things which is trendy in some spheres 0nline). Now I think its easier to find people who know how to be both stylish and not following mainstream fashion, but still following a trend, but not in a mindless way. I’ve loved to see things that are more my style becoming more popular online, so I don’t feel strange. I’d kind of fallen into being as basic as it’s possible for me to me, and its just boring. I’m not wearing anything crazy unique now, but it is still back to more of my frilly roots with some more unique, at least for around here things.
I really appreciate when she says “You are not ugly, you are just not in season right now.” I think you could say also say, you aren’t ugly, you just aren’t in vogue HERE.
Oh, and I found her channel via this video when trying to find under all the basic modern design styles a more girly, Victorian, style of room. Interior design has trends too!