Favorite Castle Quotes, Early Seasons

For your reading pleasure, I present some choice quotes from the first (3 I think) seasons of Castle. And in lieu of a post that requires some thinking . . .

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“Careful Hans, your New Jersey is showing.”

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“From the library of Katherine Beckett.”

“Do you have a problem with reading, Ryan?”

“Yo, check it, girl, you’re totally a fan!”

“Right. Of the genre.”

“Right, the genre, that’s why you’re blushing.”

“What are you, twelve?”

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“Mr. Castle, you’ve got quite a rap sheet for a bestselling author. Disorderly conduct, resisting arrest.”

“Boys will be boys.”

“It says here that you stole a police horse?”

“Borrowed.”

“Ah, and you were nude at the time.”

“It was spring.”

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“Exactly how much longer do I have to expect you to be shadowing me on my cases like this?”

“Hard to say, when I’m writing a new character there’s no saying when inspiration might strike.”

“I thought I was your inspiration.”

“Oh you are Detective, in so many ways.”

“Yeah well your inspiration might strike you sooner than you might think.”

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“Do you know the school?”

“Oh, I’ve been kicked out of all of New York’s finer educational institutions at least once. The irony is, now that I’m rich and famous, they all claim me as alum and want money.”

“It is just so rough being you.”

“My cross to bear.”

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“Be careful, okay?”

“Do I detect actual concern for my well-being.”

“Screw this up and I’ll kill you.”

“That’s more like it.”

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“Six months.”

“Six months what?”

“We dated for six months.”

“I didn’t ask.”

“Yeah, I know. You were not-asking very loudly.”

“I know. I’m like a Jedi like that.”

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“Oh, do you want to see grumpy? How about the cover art for your new novel?”

“Nikki Heat cover art? That’s only available to. . . oh my God, you subscribed to my website? Wait a minute… are you Castlefreak1212? Castlelover45?”
. . .
“So what did you think of your alter ego Nikki? Pretty sweet, right?”

“Sweet? She’s naked!”

“She’s not naked! She’s holding a gun. . . strategically.”

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“You were all over me to get a copy of that book. Do you have any idea how many hoops I had to jump through, just so my editor wouldn’t send an armed guard to watch over you while you read it? The least you could do is to… [pauses and looks at her] Oh. Oh! I see what you’re doing.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Oh, yes, you are. Yes, you are. You’re trying to push my buttons, but it’s not gonna work.”

“Really?”

“Mmm.”

“‘Cause it seems to be working just great.”

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“What?”

“Nothing… it’s just I’m so used to seeing you act like a 12-year-old all the time, it’s refreshing to see you as a father.”

“It makes you want me, right?”

“…And there’s the 12-year-old again.”

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“Does he look like a killer to you?”

“Everybody looks like a killer to me, Castle. Job requirement.”

“Do I look like a killer to you?”

“Yes, you kill my patience.”

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“I can’t believe how many lives were ruined over one woman’s need to protect her family’s reputation.”

“You will never have this problem. Between Grams and myself, our family reputation’s already in ruins.”

“Mmm. Lucky me.”

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“. . .but changing your identity? The math doesn’t quite add up for me.”

“You know what math doesn’t add up for me? Two wives.”

“One wife too many for you?”

“Two wives too many.”

“Seems like the common denominator in that equation is you.”

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“No, no wait, this scene is going to expose the killer. ‘The play’s the thing wherein we’ll catch the conscience of the king.’ Hamlet.”

“‘We already know who the killer is, so you are wasting my time.’ Me.”

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