The One or Soulmates Myth

Of all the irritating fluffy pseudo-psychology or pseudo-philosophy myths out there, this one takes the cake. People who say they don’t believe in religion still think that the “universe” has given them one person. If you believe in evolution as most people say they do, how in tarnation could you possibly believe a random universe would match you, little random person, to just one special person?

As far as Christianity, there is nothing in the Bible saying you are assigned one specific person. Most marriages in the Bible, because of the time period, would have been arranged, and the Bible is very clear on the personal responsibility of staying with the marriage.

I wonder if some Christians or “Christians” confuse the predestination of all things by God as meaning they are assigned one specific person. Um, yes, the one you marry, everything you do is preordained whether you agonize or not. God knew you were going to marry that person. He didn’t say go out on a journey finding THE person (especially not using, returning, discarding other people along the way), the person you marry is who God saw you marry. Clear as mud?

This myth seems to be a great excuse not to make up one’s mind and to use and dispose and generally treat other people terribly in order to find one’s soulmate. In those cases they don’t seem to have much a soul to mate with, so why bother?

I really saw this put into perspective when I was watching He’s Just Not That Into You and one character says to another about a married man, “What if he is the one for you?” He’s not, he’s married, that is your sign right there.

Either one of the girls on the What We Said Podcast mentioned in several different episodes how her mom mentioned that it’s really more romantic to choose someone rather than essentially have someone assigned to you. That is SUCH a good point.

While I think (know) that no one just has ONE person, I don’t think it is right to treat it like a lottery either. I’m all for personal responsibility and owning your choices. As one of The Minimalists on their podcast pointed out, the world probably has a selection of people you are compatible with. And you probably won’t meet every single one of those people (nor should you need to, you shouldn’t “try out” people like so many ice cream flavors), so find someone you are compatible with, choose them, and continue to choose them. That continued choosing, that is true love and commitment.

On a lighter note that still has depth to it and to hammer in my point on how much I love this book, the story of Jocelyn and Hugh in the hilarious A Tangled Web, points out the absurdity of this silly myth as well as the life-changing damage believing it can cause people to do.

2 comments

  1. Agreed, while I do think there are people that suit you, to assume that they are your perfect fit is a little bit dismissive of the complexity of people. Life is a bit more complicated than just finding the ‘X’ on a pirate treasure map. Things continue on and things require a lot of effort.

    1. I think the myth complicates things (or rather people use to get into absurdly complicated situations) while taking out the actual work, the commitment and the getting to know and instead expecting just a zap of instaneous perfect constant harmony that will magically last forever with no effort.

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