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These are some of the best quotes thus far (plus there are tons of situation humor sections that are obviously not reproducible).

 

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“Abed, nice to know you and then meet you, in that order.”

 

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 “Anyway um, are you two an item? And if so, would that item be impervious to sabotage?”

“You know, you have the savoir-faire of a hyena. How is it that you and James Bond come from the same island?”

“Message received, I’ll just wait for you to finish striking out.”

“Cheers”

“M*A*S*H*”

“Faulty Towers, game over, have a nice day.”

 

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“You forgot your phone.”

“I can get another one.”

 

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“Oh come on Shirley, don’t be mad.”

“I’m not mad, I’m disappointed.”

“That’s “Mom” for mad.”

 

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“He’s not that bad.”

“Yeah, not if you are 28 and you’re fooling around with him. She’s 18. Her taste in men is still being established. Creepier and creepier dudes will start thinking of her as an option and it all starts with Vaughn, he’s a gateway douche bag.”

“People collide, things happen, it can’t be controlled, right?”

“And that can be your toast at her shotgun wedding to Starburns.”

 

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“Why would I take her pen, I don’t even like having my own?”

“Ok, whoever insidiously and with great malic aforethought abducted Annie’s pen, confess, repent, and relinquish so we can leave.”

“Maybe nobody took it, sometimes I think I lost something really important to me, and it turns out I already ate it.”

 

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“And before you can say 1984, the thought police are forcey worsing you to bend and spread.”

“Bend and spread, are the thought police going to make love to us?”

“Do they find thoughts in our butts? I knew I shoulda read that book.”

 

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“Now, you won’t know this being American, but tonight Liverpool are playing–“

“–Manchester United, I’m a stylish American, Professor, I’ve been forcing myself to be into soccer since 2004.”

 

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